Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
