1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
