Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
send nudes
from the living room?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
