Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
