My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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