a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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