I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I pour the whiskey from now on
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
