He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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