my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
