I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
