Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
