my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Terrible idea I love it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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