just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
