I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Enjoy the penises
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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