What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
