I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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