It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
