Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Enjoy the penises
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
