the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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