I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize