His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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