just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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