Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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