I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
