i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
my poor anus
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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