i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have feelings that need drinking.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
