Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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