You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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