hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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