I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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