It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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