even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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