Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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