from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
