your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
