she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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