he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
