The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My ass is underappreciated
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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