my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
