her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
