He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
