I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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