in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
