Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
