Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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