Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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