yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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