wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
