So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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