It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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