They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
