she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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