Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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