If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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