i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
