my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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