Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
