they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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