we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
