toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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