Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize