I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
