but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize