My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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