are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
