What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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