Where is the hickey?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
