i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
