i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
