So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
